Lesson Two: Communication is Like a Muscle
Marriage is a beautiful gift from God, but that doesn’t always mean it is always easy. During my husband and I’s first year of marriage, we found that communication or a lack of communication was always at the center of most of our arguments.
Throughout the time we were dating and engaged we heard the familiar phrase of ‘communication is key,’ but I don’t think we realized just how important it is until we got married. Communication isn’t automatic. It takes a lot of practice and effort, especially in the beginning.
I like to think of communication as a muscle. It needs to constantly be worked on and stretched if you want it to get stronger. One of the biggest things we had to realize is that we aren’t mind readers. Sometimes I would think I made what I was thinking painfully obvious, but I found that Wesley still wasn’t getting it. That’s because I wasn’t communicating effectively. I was communicating to him in a way that made sense to me, but it wasn’t received in a way that made sense to him. It is important to share feelings clearly. Living together has meant that our lives have become more intertwined than ever before and it requires more intentional conversations than we may be used to.
One moment that really stood out was when I assumed my husband would just know how to jump in and help with chores because he would see what was left to be done. Instead, he had no idea what he was supposed to do because he didn’t know which tasks I would do next. This didn’t mean he didn’t want to help, it just meant that it was something we needed to talk about first. This reminded me that love doesn’t come with mind-reading powers; it requires clarity, patience, and listening.
If there’s one practical thing I’ve learned, it’s this: make space for open and honest check-ins. Ask clarifying questions before assuming the worst. And sometimes, take a deep breath and pause before reacting. Like any muscle, communication grows stronger with consistent effort and the more you work at it together, the more resilient your marriage becomes.
– Ansley Ledbetter