“Choosing Each Other Daily: Lessons from Our First Year”
My husband and I celebrated our first year of marriage in June, and while a year may not seem long compared to couples who have been together for decades, it has been full of lessons, laughter, and growth. Marriage is beautiful, but it also refines us, and stepping into it taught me things I didn’t expect about myself, love, and what it truly means to be a team. I don’t share these thoughts as an expert, but simply as someone who has been learning along the way and hopes these reflections will encourage you, wherever you are in your own marriage journey.
Lesson One: Small Things Matter More Than Big Gestures
My husband and I met when we were freshmen in college and found that intentionality with our time together was key to our dating success. We both had busy schedules with greek life, clubs, and friends that it was hard to find an over abundance of time to spend together. This meant that our time spent together was precious. Quickly we made sure to not be on our phones when we were together, took time to talk instead of just watching a movie, and focused on quality time over the quantity of time.
When we got married, we quickly found that because we were spending so much more time together than we had been while we were dating, that we didn’t spend as much quality time together. Dinners took place in front of the television while watching a movie or tv show together and other moments were spent doing different things in the same room together, which while not inherently bad things, we just found that we no longer weren’t being as intentional with our time together. We would find that we would get in bed at night and feel like we were distant from each other even after spending the whole day together.
Now each night we sit down at our kitchen counter and eat together with no phones or distractions and talk about our days and anything else that comes to mind. We have also started implementing game nights as a way to do something together that keeps us talking. We still have movie nights, but we make sure that we spend time talking to one another beforehand, to ensure we’re still getting that quality time in.
It’s important to remember that consistency builds intimacy and trust more than occasional “grand gestures.” It’s truly the little things that add up more. Taking time to sit with each other and just talk to one another means more than a grand date night (not that we don’t enjoy those occasionally too).
If you take anything from this lesson of mine, focus on daily connection. It truly is a game changer.
– Ansley Ledbetter